Before I led CASA of Travis County, I spent years as a therapist and advocate for families living through trauma and violence.
The Fear We Don’t Always See
I have sat with countless mothers who were terrified to call for help. They were not just terrified of the person abusing them. They were also afraid that asking for help would cost them their children.
Too often, that fear was not irrational.
The consequences of seeking help often extend beyond the abuse itself, exposing survivors and their children to challenging, systemic dynamics that don’t always account for their circumstances.
Child welfare work is domestic violence work. Domestic violence work is child welfare work.
The Connection We Can’t Ignore
We often talk about child welfare and domestic violence as two separate fields, with two sets of agencies, two funding streams, and two vocabularies. The families we serve do not live that way. They live both at once.
In an estimated 30 to 60 percent of families where domestic violence is identified, child maltreatment is also present (NCJFCJ). The same person may be causing harm in the same home, through overlapping patterns of power and control. You cannot effectively address one without addressing the other.
That is why CASA volunteers are trained to recognize the dynamics of domestic violence. When an advocate understands coercive control, they see a mother's choices differently. They ask better questions in court. And they can recommend services and interventions that keep children connected to the safe parent, rather than punishing her for someone else's violence.
Child welfare work is domestic violence work. Domestic violence work is child welfare work.
It’s Time to Change the Question
Survivors safeguard their children every day. They plan escape routes. They send kids to a neighbor’s house when they feel the tension rising. They stay quiet, or they leave, depending on which is safer on a given night.
Those choices are not failure to protect; they are protection.
So, when we support a survivor parent, we are not choosing the parent over the child. We are choosing the child, through the parent.
This shift in perspective gives power back to survivors and allows us to recognize where responsibility truly lies.
The right question is not “Why didn’t she leave?” The right question is “What is the person causing harm doing, and how do we hold them accountable?”
CASA volunteers are trained to recognize the dynamics of domestic violence. When an advocate understands coercive control, they see a mother's choices differently.
What We All Can Do
You do not need to be an expert to make a difference. You need to be willing to see what is happening and respond with care.
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Change the question. When you hear about abuse, ask what the person causing harm is doing, not why the victim stays.
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Believe survivors. Leaving is often the most dangerous time. Staying can be a safety strategy, not a failure.
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Become a CASA volunteer. Our advocates are trained to see the whole family, and to make sure the system does too.
Every child deserves a safe home. And most of the time, that home includes the parent who has been fighting to protect them all along.
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